A Journey of Self-Discovery and Healing

14 Oct A Journey of Self-Discovery and Healing

She is caring, thoughtful and kind. She considers her words and uses them with care. She has a great sense of fun, is ready and willing to try new things, is both a skilled and a talented dancer, and she has a beautifully sensual way of moving in front of the camera. She has just the right amount of silliness mixed into her agile intelligence to make her an engaging conversationalist. and you don’t have to talk to her long to know that she cares very deeply about her people and would take a bullet for her dear ones. Oh, and she’s So. Fucking. Gorgeous.

The thing is, powerful, beautiful, smart and talented women often don’t feel that way on the inside. Here’s some of her story from her perspective:

What’s your story?

My story is a typical one in many respects. I was overweight as a child, bullied by my peers, suffered through depression, anxiety, and disordered eating and severe body dysmorphia throughout all of my childhood and into my early adulthood. I also had some illnesses that had me feeling like my body betrayed me and I struggled with endometriosis, migraines, and a thyroid shut down.

Underlying all of this was an undiagnosed neurdivergent brain (ADHD) and a hypersensitive nervous system that made dealing with all of these issues and also managing relationships very difficult. After a stressful and emotionally taxing marriage ended in 2014, I went on a journey of self discovery and of healing the parts of me that I had neglected for so long.

I suffered from a very low self worth as a result of having had unacknowledged ADHD and from my persistent body dysmorphia. I felt that I was not worthy enough of love, especially from men, but something about that did not feel right. I am the parent of a daughter and I did not want her to ever think that she was not worthy of love regardless of any challenges she had.

What made you choose to do a boudoir photoshoot with Acts of Beauty right now?

I have struggled so much with owning my sexuality and my beauty. I love boudoir photos, and finding the Acts of Beauty group and the work that you have done, Star, showed me that maybe I was worthy of being sexy in my own way. I felt that maybe investing the time and money into myself in this way and then having proof of my sexiness would help me to move past the blocks of the past and become the woman I was supposed to be.

What is your relationship with your body like?

I find it challenging to handle sometimes. When you have chronic health issues it can feel like your body does not love you. I feel that I am continually fighting against what it wants to be and what I feel society wants it to be.

From my one and only pregnancy I have loose skin and a C-section shelf as well as stretch marks from my breasts to my groin, and I feel like it is somehow evidence that I am flawed as a human being. I find that area of my body ugly and I cover it up all the time. It causes me great anxiety when anyone, man or woman, may see it as I feel I will be judged for the flaws I have. I also feel I will be judged for being overweight and that people will decide I am unworthy because I cannot get fit.

How did you feel coming out of your session?

I was on a high for sure!! It was a lot of fun and I did feel like all that and a bag of chips!!!

I liked the collaborative process with Star and Michelle. We talked about what I liked, what I wanted, and what I felt comfortable doing. I also liked giving over a bit of control too to Star and Michelle to let them do their thang and that was freeing as I am such a control freak!

What would you say to someone considering a boudoir session with Acts of Beauty Boudoir?

DOOOOOOO EEEEEETTTTTTT!!!! It is fantastic going to someone that knows how to photograph all bodies and is so supportive, encouraging, and just plain fun to be around. You will not feel judged. You will feel like you are a part of the artistic process and that you have a say in how things go. At the same time you will find that this is a safe place to maybe experiment with looks, poses, and attitudes that you may not have had the opportunity to do before.

Doing something like this can be a part of your emotional and spiritual healing journey. It may feel like it is a frivolous thing to do for oneself but that is societal conditioning. Having professional photos done of yourself can be empowering and worth every hard earned cent. It can show you things that you had not considered about yourself before. Who knows, maybe your photo will survive through the ages and be a piece of celebrated art someday!